Trump Outsmarts Biden in Intense Game of Checkers

Well, it’s gone from bad to worse with Biden. In place of a live debate, Trump had mercifully allowed an alternative: A mental game of war, re-enacted by small pieces of plastic called “checkers.” The premise of the game is to “jump” all the opponent’s checkers. The rules are simple. Checkers can only move diagonally, and if a checker is on a space diagonal to an opponent, it may “jump” the piece.

Biden accepted the challenge with great trepidation, as he would need to conform to the rules of checkers, and not bingo. He tried wiping out the entire checkerboard by swinging at it with his hand, but was promptly reminded that was against the rules. He also tried setting an army of toy soldiers from a nearby Risk game on the checkers, but was scolded sternly, as he did not roll the dice first.

Needless to say, Trump destroyed Biden at this game of war. Biden was slammed by many as being “incapable and stupid” but quickly responded to his critics with a stern, “We haven’t even started playing yet!” He was then informed by the officials that they had already played. Biden was returned to his basement where he could mentally recuperate.

At publishing time, sources confirmed that Trump would be playing Monopoly with Mark Zuckerberg next week.

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