Well, we’ve seen interesting news in the past couple days, but this story blows them all out of the water! In a brilliant move designed to make a bold, powerful statement, 5 Black Lives Matter protesters lined up and held hands, forming a human blockade. But that’s not all! Instead of settling for a mere roadblock, these brave men and women stood across a set of train tracks in rural Pennsylvania.
Reports indicate the protesters stood there uncomfortably for around 5 hours just waiting for the train to come. There was apparently much chatter from Carl, one of the protesters, who kept complaining his sign was too heavy. He was immediately met with, “Shut up, Carl.” from fellow protester Karen.
At long last, they finally sighted a train coming their way. They breathed a huge sigh of relief, and waited for the train to stop due to the roadblock. However, the train showed no intention of slowing down.
“It’s just the mechanics.” Stated protester Mark Karls. “Trains usually look like they’re going to keep going, then suddenly stop at the last minute. Hopefully the driver realizes…AAAAAAAAHH!!!!! GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!!” More on Mr. Karls later.
At publishing time, sources confirmed that Thomas the Tank Engine is actually a Shiite Muslim.