Whoopi Goldberg Named After Antique Gag Gift

New York

After our last article about “The View” in which the extremely irritating human beings on the show were found to be a main cause of cancer, we at PoliSauce and our PoliSauce Inquires team dove into the whos and whats behind it. Our first study was on the loudmouth Whoopi Goldberg.

When our research started, we found the well known facts about her, she’s uneducated on many topics she feels free to speak on, she’s not well spoken, is a Democrat, etc. However, we decided to interview her parents, who were in hiding, as they didn’t want to be known as the folks who gave her life. Therefore, they will remain anonymous. In the interview, it was discovered that they named her Whoopi, which was an extremely popular gag gift at the time, so it fit. This, of course has been proven to be very insightful, as she is full of wind, and her political commentaries are no more helpful or enjoyable than the sounds of flatulence.

At publishing time, sources confirmed that the “Whoopi pie” was a confectionery substance designed based on her unique structure, as it closely resembles her skin tone, fluffy girth and facilitates her rumored excessive consumption of sweets.

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