Taco Bell lovers, rejoice! Starting this Thursday, the new “Impossible Taco” will be hitting your local Taco Bell restaurant. The long-awaited menu item will consist of 100% nutrient-free meat, with a shredded mozzarella cheese blend, chopped romaine, and absolutely zero nutritional value whatsoever.
The CEO of Taco Bell, Mr. Taco Bell, tweeted last night, “This will be the greatest taco of all time. It will fly off the shelves and directly into our toilets in record time.” At publishing time, this post was found to have been liked and shared over 4,000,000 times, predominantly by juvenile boys.
As well-received as it has been, there is controversy surrounding the taco, multiple sources having stated that Taco Bell is running a spin-off of Burger King’s “Impossible Whopper.” In a statement released to the press yesterday morning, the CEO of Taco Bell, Mr. Taco Bell, stated, “We are definitely not plagiarizing Burger King.” Sources have generally accepted this statement, even though it has zero credibility. More on that later.
At publishing time, Taco Bell had announced a “Nothingtaco” that will be hitting restaurants this Saturday. We at PoliSauce will be suing them for 5 million dollars. Because we can, that’s why.
