Does eating an alkaline battery lower your chances of catching COVID-19?

With the pandemic still having a great impacton our lives, scientists are in search of a cure. But we’ve recently discovered alkaline batteries contain a substance called COVIDAWAY. And COVIDAWAY contains a substance called NOMORCOVID.

So if you start to feel dizzy or nauseated, or feel like you have a respiratory infection, don’t dial 911. That’s like calling Pizza Hut to order a burger, it just doesn’t make any rational sense.

Instead, pop an alkaline battery like it was an Vitamin capsule. The Covidaway and Nomorcovid in the battery will work its way through your system, and destroy the virus completely.

So remember, if you think you have COVID-19, DON’T CALL 911. You pop that battery like a champ and by morning, that virus will be gone faster than hot dish at a NODAK buffet. Come back to PoliSauce for more ways to improve your life!

Note: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. YOU WILL DIE.

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