PoliSauce Life Hackz: Driving Tips:

1: Never check your mirrors

Most folks are told that when they climb into the drivers seat, their first instinct should be to adjust their mirrors, but don’t do this because vanity in your looks is wrong. “VANITY VANITY VANITY VANITY VANITY.” Says the book of Methusemiah, chapter 3, verse 10.5, NIV.

2: Don’t wear your seatbelt

Your second instinct when getting into a car is to put your seatbelt on, but don’t do this because it increases your chances of being brutally strangled.

3: Always text

Texting is a good way to exercise face to face conversation and you should never put that to rest. Also if you look at the road too long, the road might get offended and ask why you’re looking at it!

4: Driving in the middle of the road is ok.

When you’re on the road, you’ll see yellow, white, blue, magenta, beige or rainbow lines. This is only a suggestion. People drive in the separate lanes because they are nice and don’t mind if you pass them. Assert your dominance and always drive in the middle of the road!

5: It’s okay to sleep

When you’re driving, it’s okay to sleep. Don’t sleep when you’re at a rest stop or gas station cause that’s just plain “ILLEGAALLLL”!!! (It’s loitering) You don’t have to stop the car to take your beauty rest, just keep a’rollin. If you’re worried about accidentally merging and making people angry, (see step 4:)

There ya go, 5 ways to drive. Happy traveling.

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