Joe Biden Passes Cognitive Skills Test

Washington D.C.

Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been under scrutiny for his alleged lack of mental health, so the DNC scheduled a cognitive skills test to dispell the misconception. Dr. Balexander Hambell, the administrator of the test, explained the details.

“The subject will have thirty minutes to complete a crossword puzzle, twenty minutes to color a picture, and ten to build a pyramid with the materials of his choice.” He then said “go” and the clock started.

Initially, Mr. Biden had difficulty with the extremely difficult crossword puzzle, but after he figured out that “mouse-like rodent whose name rhymes with bat” wasn’t beaver, weasel, or rhinoceros, he got it done in a hurry. He colored his 2×2 inch circle rather quickly, only going outside the lines twice, and advanced to the pyramid. He initially tried building it with gummy bears, but that didn’t work. He also attempted to use his dentures to support it, but he ended up eating them all. He finally settled on a scheme, that he would use to finish. He had Hillary Clinton and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez each text two of their friends to each text two friends…and so on.

In the end, the presidential candidate showed the world that he is, in fact, fit to lead America, however, conservatives are still stonewalling him, saying that “it wasn’t an effective test” and “it was rigged.”

At publishing time, incumbent Donald Trump passed his cognitive skills test as well, which only covered simple things like economics, neurosurgery, construction, and rocketry.

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