Sources confirm that California banned socks last Friday. When asked what the purpose of banning these completely harmless and extremely useful items is, Governor Gavin Newsom made this statement. “Our administration is dedicated to providing safety to all California citizens. We felt the potentially harmful item known as a ‘sock’ is actually a deadly weapon in disguise, as it can be used to strangle people.” Reporters then asked him why rope hasn’t been banned yet he responded by saying “He has no further comments on the matter.” He did, however mention that “steps are already being taken towards the complete decimation of the deadly weapon.”
Stores all across California are throwing away thousands of pairs of socks, and some have gone so far as to destroy tights and leggings. While most of the state has been extremely cooperative during this time of turmoil, a terrorist organization known as the anti-anti-sock organization is fighting back by using logic and scientific reasoning.