This week has been full of impossible surprises, however, this newest event tops them all. According to reports, a rabid ostrich by the name of Dibar Hcirtso is running against incumbent Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. But more surprising was the first debate. Here is just a snippet of the discourse.
“Mr. Dibar, how are you going to help the people of New York combat this and future pandemics?”
“Very interesting, Ms. Cortez?”
“How DARE you!!!! This is just like you bigoted men!! How do you even know I identify as a Ms.?”
“You usually identify as a Ms….”
“Silence Peon!!! The world must tremble at my feet!!! I will rule one day!!!! Woman’s rights!!!!”
“So you ARE a Ms.?”
“Stop trying to mansplain!! The Dems are destined to RULLLLLLE!!!”
At this point, the Congressbeing was hit by a dart, and passed out. Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden were seen attempting to drag her out of the room, but they couldn’t figure out how. Witnesses confirm they attempted to use her hair for leverage, but Biden was distracted and began sniffing it. As emergency personnel arrived on the scene, AOC woke up, and declared Hcirtso racist, homophobic, and chauvinistic. Dibar noted, however that he and his wife were from Africa, and had just bought their freedom from a zoo.
At publishing time, state polls showed Hcirtso was the preferred candidate, however, a poll taken by the New York Times in conjunction with the DNC showed 357 percent of people in New York voted for AOC.