Have you ever been robbed, or fear that if you were robbed, you wouldn’t know what to do? If so, you’re in luck, we here at Polisauce have compiled a list of 5 things you should and shouldn’t do when being robbed.
- Simply say “No”
This is a great tactic because a robber can not legally take any of your possessions without your consent, and as we have proven in earlier articles, criminals of all sorts try their best to follow the law at all times.
2. Throw your cereal at them
If you happen to be eating a delicious bowl of Captain Crunch when the robbery occurs, you should hurl your cereal, bowl and all, directly at their face. This should stun them enough for you to escape. It may also kill them if they have dairy or wheat allergies. This is why you should aim for the face.
3. Use the Uno reverse card
This is pretty self-explanatory. However, for this to work you would have to have the card with you. That’s why we here at Polisauce suggest carrying one with you at all times. If you don’t already do that, you should start immediately. Simply play the card, and they will be forced to give YOU all their stuff. Win, win. Be careful though, if they say “Uno” before you do, this gambit will be voided.
If you are being robbed, one thing you can do is cough, coughing will hopefully make the robber think you have COVID-19. If they think that, the odds of them turning around and leaving are much higher than they were to start with. Note that if you actually have Coronavirus, this tactic will be much more effective.
5. Never call the police
The Police will be too busy preventing the local Mcdonalds from being burned to the ground or stopping someone from stealing an Xbox. Instead, take matters into your own hands, apprehending and punishing the criminal as you see fit. Tickling is very effective.
Well, there you have it, 5 things you should and shouldn’t do when being robbed. We hope these help, use this information wisely, and come back to Polisauce for future ways to improve your life!