You are being considered by high-level officials for a very lucrative job in the upper ranks of the U.S government. You are looking to work at McDonald’s over the summer to earn some extra cash. Whatever the case, here are 5 basic tactics you can use to influence your potential employer to hire you!
1. Dance of the headless chicken with a mental disorder.
The title of this dance may seem offensive, but be not deceived. Your employer will definitely hire you after you jump out of your chair and run around the room like a headless chicken while making weird noises. Follow this by some weird gyrations/movements. Can’t go wrong.
2. A criminal past.
In preparation for your interview, go commit some rushed, sloppy federal crimes. Spend a few years in jail, then come back for another interview. (Studies show this works extremely well at McDonald’s.)
3. Show off your martial arts skills.
Your boss will be interested to know if you have been trained in the art of Kung Phew. Slap him with a wicked backhand, then kick-flip him into the air. Follow with an epic shoryuken! Sure to impress.
Being overly affectionate can sometimes intimidate instead of drawing people to you. Use this to make your future employer fear the repercussions of not hiring you. We recommend you use this tactic in the event tip #2 goes awry.
5. Do not bring your ID, wallet, or pants.
Trust no one.
Well, there you have it. Go take the world on, trooper!