We’ve all been there, looking at a new toy or gimmick, and thinking,”I could really use one of those, but I don’t have enough money.” If this has happened to you, you’re in luck! We at PoliSauce have a few tips spanning how to start a protest, to getting a new Xbox for FREE!!!!!
1. Find a percieved injustice or current event to claim.
It is imperative that your “protest” is grounded in a social justice or noteworthy event. This will give you credibility and grounds for violent means, even though you just want a free iPhone. A few examples are: Your favorite team winning a sports event, your favorite team losing a sports event, a person you don’t have any relation to dying, being hurt, or making a public statement. (The latter is very important, especially if the Police are involved.)
2. Gather a band of followers.
You can’t have a reason to riot if you only have a few souls in your following. When it comes to getting people on your side, use any means necessary. Convincing, threatening and bribing are very effective.
3. Stand up to those cops!
You now have the right to remain loud, obnoxious, and unruly. Anything you say, can, and will, be used on a main stream media outlet to support your cause. Often, protesters will be forced to resort to violence, but if that’s the case, so be it. In the event you are victimized by the Po-po, you can at least know that you are now a reason for another random person to riot.
4. Take whatever you want.
Ahh, yes. The end of the saga. By this point, you have lots of support, good relations with the public, and are feared by the cops. Go into any store you choose, and take whatever you need or want! The sky’s the limit!!!! Don’t worry if it belongs to someone else. Chances are, they like the cops, so don’t feel bad, even if it’s someone who is trying to give back to the community. Thrift stores are also premium targets, due to the high quality merchandise they often sell. Very worth it.
5. Post it on social media
Make sure you post your criminal activity on the internet. This will bring flocks of adoring fans in blue, tan and possibly black uniforms to your doorstep. They will put the bracelets of victory on your wrists, and give you a free ride to a wonderland where you get fed, educated, and entertained at no cost to you whatsoever.
6. Subscribe/follow PoliSauce
After you are perfectly comfortable with your new stuff, in the building of wonder, or even right now. Go to the bottom of this page and enter the answer to just ONE question, and you will receive more helpful advice, interesting interviews, and hilarious articles for…..wait for it……FREE!
So go! Use this newfound power! Get those Cheetos!