Gaslighting Techniques used by Press Ineffective Against Groot

After Groot became a baby for the umpteenth time this past week, CNN reporters immediately flocked to the hero/tree hybrid. In an attempt to extract information, Russian reporter Hillarin Clintondev asked Groot, “How can we trust you? You are a tree. Can we count on you as a reliable source of information?” Groot quickly countered with, “I am Groot,” stunning Clintondev to silence.

He was asked multiple questions of this nature, in an effort to make him question his own sanity and reliability. Alas, he was unshakable. Here is an excerpt from another interview with CNN reporter Fred Lime.

“Hello, Groot. We’ve received multiple reports over the past week that you have shrunk to the size of a small sapling. This raises an important question. Are you still the Groot we all know and love?”

“I am Groot.”

“Well, you’ve maintained this position for quite some time, regardless of current events. Are you sure you’re completely thinking this through? You could be clinging to the remnants of a distant memory. I know it must be hard for you to let go of your Glory Days.”

“I am Groot.”

“You have to let go, small indigenous tree person. Embrace a progressive agenda. You live in a world with no absolutes. You can’t simply go on being Groot forever.”

“I am Groot.”

“AAAARGH! Only the Sith deal in absolutes! You must be a spy! Hater! Bigot! You suggest you are the only Groot, and that you are in fact Groot. You leave no room for me to put a progressive spin on this!”

“I am Groot.”

(The following comment from Lime has been censored for mature language and reference to Jar Jar Binks.)

Groot was last seen debating libs with Ben Shapiro, as they ruthlessly MELT lib SNOWFLAKES with FACTS and LOGIC!

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