Many of our viewers go to a religious gathering of some sort every Sunday, so we at PoliSauce have compiled a list of five essential activities that will help you get in the spirit.
1. Wake up super late.
If you set your alarm and get up at seven or even eight, you are sure to fail. Not only is there more time for the devil, (or kids/siblings), to ruin your worshipful attitude, but it also gives you an extra hour or two of sleep, so you don’t feel disinterested….in driving there.
2. Speed like a madman.
If you followed our first tip, chances are you will be somewhat rushed. Don’t worry. Studies show that driving at 90+ miles per hour will increase your faith and dependence on the Lord’s guidance. If you can, try spouting a few prayer-like sentences.
3. Yell at the people you want to blame.
Yelling at those you have concluded made you late is a MUST. Not only will it make you feel better about your own bad decisions, it will also create a feeling of love and harmony on your way to church. Everyone will know they are all wrong, and will draw closer to the Lord by confessing their alleged sins.
4. Stop for coffee.
Unless you go to a place that has tepid brown liquid they attempt to pawn off as coffee, stopping at a gas station or Starbucks is essential. The trials you will experience while waiting for the slow person in front of you, combined with how behind you already are, will increase your patience.
5. When you arrive at church, talk about meaningless nonsense.
Some of the best topics to help you prepare for the service are sports, entertainment, and how irritating the person in front of you at your local coffee emporium was.
And that’s it. You are sure to be ready for the Lord to speak to your heart.