New Gun Laws Increase Morality Among Criminals

Chicago, IL

For many years different arguments have been presented for gun control, the most common of these claiming that it will decrease gun violence. However, Dr. Burt Hernangomez, a highly acclaimed psychologist from Chicago, said in a statement last Monday, that gun control will contribute to less crime overall. He then explained, noting that if someone is planning to rob a store, restaurant, public government building, or hospital, they will have no choice but to reconsider their criminal behavior when they come across a gun-free zone. This is why banks, for instance, are one of the least robbed institutions in our day and age. He went on to say that “If we carry that over to ALL America, we will have much less violence overall. These law abiding criminals always make sure that what they are doing is legal before they ruin someone else’s life.”

Carl Charleston, a three time serial killer, with multiple robberies on his rap sheet, was busted out of a New York City jail recently, but sources confirm the following conversation occurred between him and his compadres.

“Hey man, we need you to come help us with a job.”

“Aiight, dawg. Whassup?”

“We got an inside man in the US bank down the way, man. He says there’s money to be MADE, man.”

“Sounds good dude, when is this gonna go down?”

“Tomorrow night, 11 PM, you got it? Here’s a gun, bro.”

“Nah, man. I’d love to help you, but that bank is a gun free zone, dawg. I was reading that law stuff in prison, and found out it’s illegal to have a gun in a gun free zone.”

“Man, that stinks, we can’t go breaking laws now, guess we have to get one of them newfangled things called jobs.”

As you can see, these criminals just need clear parameters. They aren’t bad, just because they want to harm you and your property. So all you selfish, bigoted Republicans can go muse over that, but don’t come crying when you get assaulted while you have a weapon in your home.

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