Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: “I WILL Find it!”

Early this morning, we recieved word from our speakers over in DC of a new game changing resolution AOC has wailed forth. Now, not only does this blow another golf-sized hole into her reputation, but it also presents Cortez calling her own people Republican! Here is the story.

During a Democratic rally near the White House this morning, former president Barrack Obama was giving an inspirational speech of hope and courage to the downtrodden Democrats present. While talking about unification among the states, he proceeded to list every one of the 50 states off. Suddenly, AOC (who, mind you, was listening to Pop and doing the splits in her yoga pants) shot up to correct the man. The word for word conversation between the two proceeded thus:

“Mr. Broccoli Obama, you forgot to mention Antenna. You forgot to-“

“Um, well, sorry, um- I’m uh, afraid you’re mistaki-“

“And you forgot to mention a whole part of our country because why? Do you have unwanted family there? A long lost girlfriend? A second staged hou-“

“Um. This, uh, this is not a part of, uh, our country or my, uh, my speech. Where did yo-“

“Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. I installed a flat screen TV in my DC apartment last night, and it sai-“

“Miss Cortez, uh, this has, um, nothing to do with the, uh, the speech. You are inserting a red herr-“

“Don’t change the subject, mister fish man, I installed a flat screen TV in my apartment last night, and it said “Built in Antenna.”

“…Uh, um, what?”

“And I know it’s located in the USA because it said so on the front: “Made in the USA.”

You can imagine the response this triggered. The crowd began laughing uncontrollably. Barrack stood still and emotionless, lips pursed tighter together than a fat woman’s chili dog, staring a withering gaze at AOC. Even the Republican protestors in the back street were stunned. Cortez couldn’t stand this foolish ignorance. With the speed of a hormone-driven Jaguar, she pounced onto the stand next to Obama, snatched up the microphone, and addressed the audience thus:

“I don’t know why you Republican haters have to hate on me for this. You are racist. You are all racist because you don’t believe in part of our country.”

At this point, someone from the crowd shouted “It don’t exist, horseface!” This gave her a swelling lump on her already over inflated ego.

“You know what? I will find it. I will find the province of Antenna. I WILL find it! Though you Republicans are laughing me to stock now, you all will be shut up like a winter clam when I come back from my findings!”

Could this be a sign of AOC’s career coming to an end? Only time will tell. What we do know from this, however, is that this woman cannot be trusted to do any level of political work. Maybe she should go back to banning cow farts…

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