A New Deadly Weapon Banned

Newark, New Jersey

A man was beaten to death in a local restaurant this past weekend, sources confirm. Tony Benito, a young waiter, was robbed and murdered by another man, who has not been located as of yet. According to witnesses, the young man was bringing trash out to the dumpster, after closing the business, when a masked man drove up in a 1994 Chevrolet pickup. The attacker jumped out of his vehicle with what looked like a spice container of sorts, and immediately started to beat the victim. Several people attempted to intervene, but the man’s weapon kept them at bay, wounding five, and killing two. He then fled, on foot, because it is hard to run while pushing a vehicle. Police Chief David Brown put out a statement, saying that the weapon had been found at the scene, and was identified as a salt shaker. This fired up talk in Washington about the restriction of these lethal objects, and how severe the consequences could be if nothing is done immediately. Speaker of the House Nanci Pelosi is spearheading a movement to ban these “assault shakers” as they are now being called, and restaurants are switching to plastic free, recyclable, and biodegradable salt and pepper dispensers.

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